When it comes to personal life, “assume” or “assumption” is the ugliest word. My good friend Ijoy has written about assumptions in his blog, most probably after someone assumed something that is not true about him.
WARNING: This is a partialy emotion driven post and should only be read by the open minded. Continue at your own risk.
Assumptions are powerful. Assumptions hurt people as much as badmouthing. You know, when assumptions are made and people start to look at you and treating you in a different way. Well, not people in general but people close to you. Your family and friends. Good or bad, assumptions usually causes bad results.
It’s worst when some people think that they are wise enough, and religious enough to talk about sin, hell, and such. What gives them the right to say such hurtful things when they are assuming they know about what goes on in other people’s life? If someone is looking for advice, they will ask for it. Unwanted or unexpected advice is similar to SPAM but it’s a lot more hurtful.
Most of the time hurt is not the right word – it’s annoying and will raise hate. If someone does not care about you why the hell are you talking about them or even care about them?
(1) When an ex-friend of mine heard that I am buying a property that is more expensive than his, he started to sarcastically said that I am a rich man. From someone you consider as a friend, it did hurt. And so that is a very clear sign that he assumed that I have a lot of money when the fact is that I worked my ass out to be able to afford that expensive property. Is it so hard for him to understand that I want to provide the best for my family? The hurtful part is the sarcasm of how rich I am and of course, the tone. I never commented on him owning several rental properties because I think that’s cool and I am happy for him.
Friend’s assumption: I am rich
Why it hurts: He was my friend and it sounded envious
When I hear a friend or relative manages to buy a good property I have always been thankful, proud, and be happy for him or her. What did I lose? Nothing. What will I gain? A happier friend or relative.
(2) The following example also happened to me but the effect is muffled by the fact that my plan is to have kids at the later stage of marriage – so I was angry with the nosiness and were not sad. There was once a distant relative sarcastically said, “What happened, not enough fertilizer? Seed not good enough?“. That’s simply a disrespectful remark. The example is a friend who is having difficulties conceiving a baby, and as a matter of fact she has experienced miscarriage for a few times. Family and friends keep asking her when will she have kids. It’s a simple and innocent question but the effect is not so. The friend’s heart is devastated. And there were talks about how she is sterile – woman always gets the blame every time, it’s a dumb community perception.
Others assumption: My friend is not seriously trying to conceive
Why it hurts: She (and husband) have been trying hard but it’s just not the time yet. It hurts more as she has a sickness and has miscarried a few times
(3) A group of relatives are angry for being ignored. They are parasites feeding on other people’s happiness and of course, money and food. They don’t like to see that other people being happy especially family and they are envious in every thing other people do. Many relatives dislikes them, and since there is no direct responsibility to get close they are being ignored. Some relatives still acted as if nothing happened, and only talk behind their backs but some refuses to be hypocrites. Their latest hobby is finding blogs owned by relatives and posting attacking comments, in religious tones – sins, death, God. It’s something like when someone dies, family is the one having to manage the funeral. For me, that’s trash talk and jahil because managing a dead body is Fardhu Kifayah and not an option. Unfortunate for them many knows about the parent’s sexual history, the stealing habits of the whole family member at work, and how parasitic and greedy they are when it comes to food and money.
Their assumptions: People ignore them for fun, and they are God’s best servants. There’s simply no reason to dislike them as they are good to relatives.
Why it’s annoying and raising even more hatred: They are attacking the people they don’t really know, and being ignorance they don’t know anything but just assumed they know everything. And spreading the incorrect assumptions makes matters worst. They are good to relatives so that they can go to their homes and eat free food but later talk bad about them behind their backs.
My philosophy in life is that what you give you will get back – I believe some religions call this Karma. I don’t think God is mean. If I don’t mess around with your life, don’t mess around with mine. Everyone have their own limits.
The problem with these people is that they demand respect themselves but they don’t know how to give it back. It’s not that hard to respect each other, and realizing different people live different life. Ask Aretha Franklin about RESPECT.
So next time you want to say something, think. Next time you are not sure about something, ask. Don’t assume.
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